The thesis, stated first so nobody has to hunt for it
The Postal Service is a volume machine. There is exactly one input, and it is 10× the mail.
Six-day delivery is law. Delivery points grow whether you mail or not. The last mile is about a third of the cost base and rose 19.4% while volume collapsed by half. Every lever except volume is fixed by statute, contract or geography. The town spent seven years pulling the fixed ones.
US Mail Volume
Billions of pieces per year
Forever Stamp Price
Cents per 1-oz letter
USPS lost $6.9B in FY2025 and planned an $8.1B loss for FY2026 on 101.5B pieces — after eight rate increases since 2019. Sources: USPS FY2025 Form 10-K · FY2026 Integrated Financial Plan · PRC State of the Postal Service · GAO-20-190.
Tonight's agenda · South Park Town Hall
Motion One — raise the price to cover the loss
55¢ → 63¢ · moved by Randy
Motion Two — volume's down, so raise it again
63¢ → 73¢ · moved by Mr. Mackey
Motion Three — close the plant, it's underused
73¢ → 73¢ · moved by Kenny
Motion Four — rename the town, take the free money
73¢ → 78¢ · moved by Randy
Motion Five — eighty-two cents
78¢ → 82¢ · moved by Cartman
Then: good news from Washington
A bill that makes electronic delivery the default. Everyone cheers. Nobody asks who was mailing all that.